Good Mourning, Baltimore

I have a lot to say about what is happening in Baltimore this week. But I have much more to say about what has been happening in Baltimore my whole life and for decades before that. However, I do not know much about the situation because I have been lucky enough to live in a safe, middle-class neighborhood, with very little crime and great educational and economic opportunities, 45 minutes outside of Baltimore. 

I love Baltimore, I do. I'm a regular Camden Yards visitor, I love a good visit to the aquarium, and I have some great memories on 34th Street at Christmas time. But that is not the Baltimore that is up in arms. I haven't lived the systemic racism or the cyclical inequality. I am ashamed of the people who I know are bright, compassionate Maryland residents when I see them call the rioters "animals" and "savages." I am ashamed of the people undermining the movement for racial equality with opportunistic looting and rioting. I am ashamed of the sensationalism that the media is feeding the rest of the world. But most of all, I'm ashamed that it had to come to this to get people talking about the issues in Baltimore. This pain is not new. As much as we would all love to say that the Orioles and the Ravens and the Inner Harbor are the heart and soul of Baltimore, that is not true. The heart of Baltimore is a group of hardworking but painfully oppressed people who need our love and support, not just at moments such as these, but everyday.

So before you ask these PEOPLE (please, can we at least remember that they are people) to calm down and work in peace, let's keep in mind why they are hurting. Their anger is not unprovoked. We need to show them peace and love before we can expect them to return it. Prayers for ALL Baltimoreans, the guardsmen working to keep the city safe (Thank you Neil Kleczek) and everyone who has been hurting from this age-old racism and inequality, especially the family of Freddie Gray.

That's the best I can do here. I can't say much as on the topic because it deserves eloquence and prose that I am not capable of providing. So I will just let Jon Stewart finish up for me. 

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/stewart-goes-off-maybe-we-shouldve-cared-about-baltimore-before-it-was-on-fire/ 

Don't let them tell you that you are crazy

It's been over a month since my episodes started. Beginning in mid-March, I started feeling dizzy and lightheaded. After standing or moving abruptly, I would have syncope episodes, fainting without much warning. Originally it was 2-3 times a week. Now, it's 4-5 times a day. Every time I stand, every time I move, I'm afraid of fainting. Every time I stand to write something on the board in class, I worry about passing out in front of the class. Every step on a staircase is nerve-wrecking.

After seeing 3 cardiologists, I have been told that I have vasovagal syndrome, something that many young women experience for stages in their life. I was put on a blood pressure medicine that was suppose to decrease the quantity of episodes I have and lessen the lightheadedness I experience throughout the day. It has done nothing of the sort. While on the medication I have developed vertigo, nausea, blurred vision, and my episodes have increased drastically.

When I tell my doctors that I have Lyme and I'm worried that my syncope could be related to that, I get brushed off as if I tried to claim that the cause is my red hair. When I tell them that the medicine is making my episodes worse, I am told that all medications need adjustments to work to their full potential. When I tell them I am experiencing new symptoms, I am told to stop googling Lyme Disease because "you can find anything on the internet, not all of it is true."

When your symptoms are internal and heard to explain to physicians, your credibility as a patient is very low. When you're a 20 year old college student, memory loss is not taken seriously because there is a possibility of alcohol abuse based solely on your demographic. When you can't explain how you feel other than "off," you don't gain much confidence. How do you explain to someone that you can't stand without feeling dizzy and confused? How do you prove that your vision is blurred? How do you explain the brain fog you experience throughout the day?

After every frustrating appointment with doubtful physicians and every inconclusive test result, I remind myself to trust myself. "Don't let them call you crazy," I tell myself.

Sometimes I feel like I was chosen from a lottery. "God chooses his strongest soldiers for the toughest fights." Someone said that, or something like it. I've never felt like I was particularly strong. In fact, when you can't confidently walk to a bathroom alone or go upstairs without gripping a railing in fear of fainting, you begin to feel like the weakest person in the world.

Today one of my professors praised me for my resilience. Maybe that's how I'm strong. Maybe, if I keep reminding myself that I'm not crazy, I can be that strong soldier. I haven't gone to med school. I know very little about the heart. I barely know that a Lyme pathogen even looks like. But I know what I'm feeling. So I just have to keep reminding myself, "Don't let them call you crazy. They aren't feeling this."

Take a Bite of Lyme

Today was the most exhausting but inspiring days I have had at WAC. As many of you know, in my quest to treat my own Lyme disease, I have delved into a controversial and complex debate about Lyme treatment and medical rights in the state of Maryland. Today, at WAC Spring Fling, the WAC Maryland Student Legislature hosted a "Take a Bite Out of Lyme" campaign. The "Take a Bite out of Lyme" Campaign is a movement to raise awareness and money for Lyme Disease. The funds go to a program that trains physicians on how to properly identify and treat Lyme Disease. We were lucky enough to find a company to sponsor our campaign and donate $10 for every bite we take out of Lyme disease. Although the company would like to stay anonymous due to the controversy surrounding the issue, I would like to express how gracious and excited I am for their support. I haven't counted out exactly how many videos we made but based on how many limes we used I am predicting about 60-90 videos/bites. This would amount to over $750 for Lyme research and education. I want to thank the MSL team, the WAC Residence Life for hosting Spring Fling, and all the participants for helping us greatly surpass our goal. This is the momentum we need! An edited video and exact amount of funds is coming soon!